A new Freedom

“Lemon Balm” by Artist Amy Early

I looked into the mirror tonight wanting to see what I used to see. Freedom. Beauty. A person who knows who she is, without all the doubts. Perhaps someone younger, and with less burdens. I don’t know exactly who I am right now. I’m still me, but different. It has been hard. Life has me not able to come up for much air these days. I can’t get that feeling of freedom I used to have. I will get it, then I will feel it slip away. It’s crazy to have something and then not be able to find it anymore. What is it? Why can’t I just feel like I used to?

I used to feel unburdened, free and have a joy for life. I used to have simplicity and no striving. I have gained many beautiful things. I have lost many beautiful things. This thought is alluding me. Yet, I know there is a red cord where I can find my way back. I need help to follow that trail.

“Come on, let’s go back to God. He hurt us, but he’ll heal us. He hit us hard, but he’ll put us right again. In a couple of days we’ll feel better. By the third day he’ll have made us brand new, alive and on our feet, fit to face him…As sure as the dawn breaks, so sure is his daily arrival. He comes as the rain comes, as spring rain refreshing the ground.” Hosea 6:1-3

I’ve been hurt, but I’ve been bandaged. I’ve been broken, but I am put back together. I’ve been lost, but I am found again. Sometimes the greatest freedom comes when we acknowledge the fact that we are hurt, we are broken and bleeding. That is where we can truly see that we have been given everything we need. We have been made alive, and we are actually free. Even when we don’t feel like we “used to”, we can acknowledge our brokenness and be made whole again.